Dial K for news
Arvind Kejriwal is doing to the Indian media what Julian Assange did for those in UK and USA.
The India Against Corruption leaders have been the chief news providers, says AJITH PILLAI.
Dipped in Witriol
AJITH PILLAI
“Manmohanomics Maybe Flat. But Kejrinomics Got Fizz”: Dr Thomas L. Freudman
As we all know, life in the times of Arvind Kejriwal has had its impact on the Indian media. But the exact nature of the “K” Effect has so far not been the subject of any analysis or evaluation. Luckily, the new millennium thinker, Dr Thomas Freudman, has just done that. And he is a man who cannot be taken lightly. Remember, his views on globalisation, articulated in his definitive book “The Globe is Flat in the Subconscious” did actually flatten the earth causing tidal waves in the Washington Post (Dr Freudman is associated with the New York Times). But, beyond that bestseller, many wouldn’t know that Freudman (who still uses good old Sigmund’s comb and toothbrush) is an Indophile and took time off from his lazy schedule to do a book on how 50 musical families in the sub-continent (excluding the states of the Taj and the Oberoi Hotels) shared secret diet recipes over the phone singing them on a specific scale. The manuscript titled “The World in E Flat Major” never saw the light of day or the darkness of night because an upset answering machine, denied chewing gum, chose to spurn all callers with this message: “No publishers please, I’m Thomas Freudman.”
Meanwhile, undaunted by zero acceptance for the book, Freudman penned the authoritative thesis: “Got car, have five flats (Though You’re Not Robert Vadra).” Insiders say this is being scripted into a Hollywood-Bollywood film starring Anupam Kher which will focus on the trials and tribulations of 100 families who drive to their favourite residential complexes in metros across the country. There they deflate their tyres including the stepneys leaving each of them with four plus one flats. The movie also explores such existentialist questions as what does one do if one gets five flats in Delhi’s tony Khan Market or Mumbai’s Malabar Hill.
Anyway, that apart, Dr Freudman, whose latest work on Kejriwal will certainly cause a storm, or further flatten the earth, agreed to speak to the Hoot. The interview did not come easily. But Indian sweets still have some persuasive power--particularly the barfi. Excerpts:
Q: To get straight to the point, Dr Freudman, what do you think has been Arvind Kejriwal’s impact on the media?
A: Well, he is very influential and that too at various levels. You see, my studies have curiously revealed that the administrators/owners of most publications and TV channels are quite happy with Kejriwal. He and India Against Corruption (IAC) have helped them cut down operational costs. So, there is an economic angle.
Q: How has Kejriwal helped?
A: Now, believe it or not, for several media outfits he is the sole provider of news. Kejriwal is in fact the chief reporter, investigator, and editor rolled into one. All that a channel or newspaper has to do is to cover his press conference every evening and then add the tag “exclusive or explosive” to the footage or story. Similarly, the front page of newspapers is taken care of and then opinion writers can have a field day. Also, the government and the Opposition reactions make it a comprehensive and virtually free news package every day. Even the anchors on prime time don’t have to ideate. It’s all there--readymade.
Q: What you are saying is that the so-called K Effect has led to savings vis-à-vis newsgathering…
A: Indeed, it has. Till Julian Assange got himself tied into knots, WikiLeaks was helping the US and UK media--perhaps papers and networks the world over--cut costs on deploying reporters and camera crews to get their news. Assange made journalists’ life easy by doing their work for them and that too for free. Kejriwal, I dare say, is doing the same for the Indian press. This is why I say Manmohanomics maybe flat but Kejrinomics got fizz. The former has good news about reforms and all that while the latter has news with the juice. What’s more, he now claims he even has ammo against the Opposition parties. I tell you Kejri is god’s gift to journalism.
Q: How can you make such a sweeping statement…?
A: Well, as a reporter you can take the documents from Kejriwal, mention him in passing, and claim credit. Isn’t that what you would call a dream run for any journo?
Q: Well, I guess so. But, Dr Freudman where do you see Indian journalism a few years from now?
A: I don’t normally look into the future. But an astrologer who looked at the hand of journalism--which incidentally looks like the Congress hand--said the future is in a man who wears a Gandhi cap. That is why I am wearing one now. That aside, the media to me will look flat once the Kejriwal fizz is gone. And that may happen if the UPA government is ousted. But right now every hack is like the junkie in that Lou Reed song. Their hook line every evening is “I’m waiting for my man/ With a notepad and microphone in my hand.” Well, jokes apart, you can see for yourself that ever since last year practically every big story has come from Kejriwal. He sure rules.
However, there is a problem that could come up in the future caused by lazy journalism. When people have to do their own research and come up with stories they may find it difficult to get back into the groove. Right now things are coming to the press on a platter…
Q: Dr Freudman, this question is being asked on behalf of colleagues from several newspapers who want to feature you in their glitterati columns. They requested us to ask a few questions. So here goes: What do you like about Indian food? Do you like Bollywood films and where did you shop in Delhi?
A: I hope the question does not fall into the paid news category coz I don’t need that kind of publicity and I certainly wouldn’t want to pay for it. Anyway, that said, I like Indian food because I can do anything I want with it. That’s like the free market. The other day I spread marmalade jam on idlis and it came out great. And samosas, dipped in Maple syrup and a dash of whisky, are out of this flat world. As for shopping, I brought all those made in China goods from Palika Bazaar. They are so cheap here! And Bollywood, I really love it--it’s so intellectual. Rani Balan and Vidya Mukherjee are my favourite actresses… (Aside) Hope that will do …
Q: Yes, it certainly does. One final question: How did you acquire this strange name Freudman…?
A: Ever since my childhood I would analyse things. You know, question why the earth goes around the sun when it could well go round Jupiter, or for that matter, Mars and be less exerted. Then I wondered why men are different from women in the clothes they wear, why people in glass houses cannot get stoned….and soon I began to think everything round was flat. All this led to my being called Freudman and the name stuck.
Q: Well, I guess we will have to end on that note. Thank you doctor--it was indeed very enlightening speaking to you.
A: Well, there was no lightening or darkening but let’s hope the earth remains flat in E Major…