Wild, wild, exclusives
Stories from Aapka Worldwild, a news agency that promises the Indian media the moon and beyond, hope to change the face of print and television news forever.
Aapka founder, Yankee Damodardas Dandy, talks to AJITH PILLAI ahead of its launch in 2014. Pix: ravi-b-prajapati.blogspot.com
Dipped in Witriol
AJITH PILLAI
Yankee Damodardas Dandy (YDD) is a Boston–based American Indophile whose interest in Bharat goes beyond the beaches of Goa. In fact, he’s the kind of guy who enjoys the sight and sounds of India, including the blaring of truck horns on Indian highways during traffic jams which he likens to a “herd of elephants playing bawdy ragtime after a night of pub crawling.” The horns still make YDD dance—not strange considering he claims to be a distant descendant of George M Cohan, the sultan of the Hollywood musical who, during his heydays, was known to have done a few mean things on his feet. Incidentally, there was a 1942 Academy Award winning film starring James Cagney based on the life of the singing and dancing man called Yankee Doodle Dandy. That’s where YDD got his adopted name. He replaced Doodle with Damodardas after he read up on Narendra Modi whose middle name happens to be just that. He was also told by Indian corporate friends that the name would bring him into the good books of Modi which helps business, although he now has second thoughts on that.
Anyway, all that apart, being a self taught expert in the art of talking to animals (watching the Dr Doolittle series helped) our Indophile would often disappear into the forests to talk to the trees and chat up with the birds and the beasts of the world’s largest democracy. He was a patient listener and was amazed at the awareness, intelligence and articulation he discovered in the jungle. But, as it happens in such cases no one, including the Bombay Natural History Society, believed him and YDD would have gone about doing his quirky animal talking without making a splash. But all that changed on a sticky sultry morning at New Delhi airport. Waiting for a flight to Mumbai he happened to pick up a few local newspapers and found reading them required an effort because the stories were drab and without any effervescence. And as he read the idea slowly dawned on him—there was indeed scope for a news agency which could deliver exciting scoops to feed the burgeoning Indian media industry and that his friends in the animal kingdom and psychics he often consulted in Phoenix, California and sorcerers in Kerala could help provide the awesome mix that will set the front pages of newspapers on fire and prime time on TV even more noisier than it already is.
Thus, in one hour of waiting at Terminal 3, was born Aapka Worldwild, a news agency that promises the Indian media the moon and beyond. Its bouquet of stories hopes to change the face of print and television news forever. And this remarkable feat it will achieve by tapping untapped sources and by zeroing in on news that borders on the unbelievable-but- may-be-true genre. As the news agency’s yet to be released brochure puts it: “Our effort will be to give credibility to the incredible.” Ahead of the launch in 2014, YDD was in India to smoothen out some ruffled feathers in the jungle and tie up some loose ends.
He spoke to The Hoot. Excerpts:
The Hoot (TH): Mr Yankee Damodardas Dandy, do you really think there is scope for a new news agency like Aapka Worldwild when we already have a surfeit of incredible stories in our media?
YDD: For starters just call me Damodardas or Damu as the lions of Gir always fondly refer to me. Now, to answer your specific question—on top of the list of incredible stories you have in mind must surely be the recent one on Narendra Modi rescuing 15,000 Gujaratis from flood ravaged Uttarakhand in about 24 hours with the help of 80 Innovas. Well, that story, I understand from the media, is the handiwork of the Gujarat chief minister’s US-based PR consultant Apco Worldwide. We have nothing to do with those guys. In fact, let me use this opportunity to tell readers that Aapka Worldwild is an independent organisation with no links to any other agency. That said, one has to admit that the Modi story and the play it got in the press does give us an indication of the coverage to come.
TH: You mean there will be more of the unbelievable stuff?
YDD: That’s likely but it will have to be more credible. If your basic premise, like Modi’s rescue act, can be questioned and debunked using elementary logic then where is the credibility and shelf life of the story? But we at Aapka operate at a different level. For example, as a pilot project we recently conducted a survey among 60 lions and forty lionesses of the Gir sanctuary on what they thought are the chances of Narendra Modi becoming PM. The majority-- 60 per cent-- was not very sure he would make it and 80 per cent of the males did not like the Gujarat Chief Minister’s beard or his pretensions to possessing an animal instinct. Now, our survey can be verified. In fact, anyone who wishes to put the questions to the lions are free to do so. We can help by providing lion lingo translating machines developed by us which converts Hindi into a language that can be understood by those who inhabit the animal kingdom and interprets a roar into a yes, no, or don’t know can’t say. Also, we will ensure that the animals are well fed so that they don’t mistake the note book and questionnaire carried by the interviewer to be snacks.
TH: Do you think readers will buy wild stuff like this?
YDD: Of course they will. Remember, this will be the first opinion poll of its kind and will have novelty value like those early sex surveys. Plus we could have an interview with one of the senior lions on prime time! It will change the complexion of debates and anchors may find it hard to match roar for roar. I know you find all this preposterous but in the days to come with all that paid news and buy-lines some news circus will certainly provide relief. Imagine a real bull or bear looking at the stock market at end of a day’s trading! EVM machines giving their own take on polling and cats and dogs telling you what was discussed the previous night in their master’s homes. The possibilities are mind boggling. And they just don’t begin and end with politics and the economy-- one can revisit old crimes and romances through the souls of the characters involved.
TH: I notice you have already spoken quite a bit about Modi. Will he be the main focus of your news agency?
YDD: Not at all. With Apco already signed on why should Aapka work for Modi or establish that he is an incarnation of Hercules? So forget Modi. We have this touching story about Nitish Kumar. Now, not many know that in his last life he was Nathapat Kamkong a Thai national captured by the Japanese in World War II and detailed to work on one of the railway bridges being built over the Mae Klong river. Kamkong died in 1943 after he failed to recover from a laughing fit triggered off by a dream that the story of the wretched souls constructing the bridge would be made into the film Bridge Over the River Kwai. But before he breathed his last he saved 30,000 prisoners from drowning and helped ten flee from the prison camp. We have people from heaven on record on this.
TH: Anything on Rahul Gandhi..?
YDD: Of course! We have conclusive evidence that in one of his previous lives he was a Manmohan Singh like figure who advised the Phoenicians to borrow from the World Bank to save their economy. Since the bank did not exist in 10 BC the funds did not come through and the papers are still being processed. As for Manmohanji he was the dolphin who saved the ancient Greek poet Arion from the pirates who had kidnapped him on the high seas.
TH: And Sonia Gandhi?
YDD: We have something sensational but I can’t give away all my stories. Wait till we strike...!