Huddle in the paid news bubble

BY AJITH PILLAI| IN Opinion | 31/01/2013

After having quietly scripted the US housing bubble for the Lehman Brothers which led to the global market meltdown in 2007-08, the trio – Raman, Debashish and Xerxes (known among friends as RDX) – have been chilling out in various locales across India. Having fled New York City just before the crash, they were crafty enough to park their money in the right places. So, though only in their early 40s, these whiz kids (all former technology students) have been in semi-retirement and have been lolling on the beaches of Goa for the last three months. Their sojourn there was as calm as the Arabian Sea during the tourist season although on rare occasions they liked spicing their lives by advising young desi students on holiday to apply principles of the coefficient of linear, real and apparent expansion to finance rather than to research into metals. “Money is in creating bubbles that will burst, not research that doesn’t pay,” R would hold forth on what he proudly referred to as his new millennium ‘Raman Effect.’

So life, for Team RDX, would have gone on in a state of rest or of uniform notion with no implosions or explosions. But something happened on January 29 that changed things and catapulted at least one of them into brainstorming orbit. On that momentous Tuesday, some friend of Raman in Chennai forwarded a page one lead story in The Hindu by P Sainath on politicians confessing to the Election Commission that they had paid newspapers for publishing favourable news about them. “Is this Sainath the same chap who wrote the book about everybody loving a good drought – or was it draught?” Xerxes wondered aloud. He liked to make light of everything.

But Raman, always the leader (he transforms into Top Raman when his palms begin to itch with the prospect of making money) commanded his two friends to stop joking and to start thinking. “Look guys, I think this paid news business is something us folks have to capitalise on. Let us figure out how.” With that he downed his feni (shaken and stirred) and asked the Goan shack owner to get three large wooden crates. The man was initially taken by surprise but he had seen stranger demands. Raman ignored him and continued to explain: “Like we did it in the Big Apple we have to think out-of-the-box. But to do that we have to be inside a box first. I know it’s just symbolic but it helps drive home the point about stepping out. It’s like those team-building exercises that the HR guys organise. They ruin your paid holiday by asking you to play hide-and-seek with colleagues you don’t vibe with.”

Anyway, once out of the crate Top Raman was like a coiled krait waiting to strike. He was on his laptop busy putting down his thoughts. His two friends were quite clueless about what was happening since they knew little about the media other than the fact it told you what’s on TV for the day. But the man on the comp was all action and finally at the end of the day he came up with this unique and complicated plan. Here are some excerpts from the concept note that our informer Ray (name changed) could make sense of:

DON”T CRITICISE THE SYSTEM, EXPLOIT IT: Our target is not P Sainath, the Press Council of India, the Election Commission or the politicians who confessed to paying for news. Let them be. Our focus should be on the millions to be made out of this business without anybody realising what is happening. We also have to keep all partners – the politicians, the media owners and journalists happy. Here are some suggestions:

INVOLVE MORE JOURNALISTS IN THE PROCESS: It must be impressed on media companies that scribes should be given a larger role in paid news than just being agents of loose change when elections come. Remember paid news has to be made a permanent process for it to pay. For starters, hike the salaries of those journalists committed to positive news – that sounds a lot better than paid news. Next, ensure that a huge slice of their monthly income is paid in kind so that in the books it will be reflected that the cash component of their salary has come down!

So, how will ‘in kind’ payment be effected? The employees will be provided Shop Anywhere Coupons (SACs) by media managements. These SACs can be redeemed for double its worth to buy almost anything from deodorant to dal. Provision stores and malls who form part of the scheme will be provided finance by banks to back the SACs and will be free to default on EMIs since the loans will be covered by an insurance policy similar to the one provided for housing loans in the US. 

So, in this scenario the politician/paid news beneficiary makes no payment but gets favourable coverage. The media house merely covers the cost of printing coupons. The stores benefit because they achieve higher sales targets and since the coupons are covered by insured loans it will only be the insurance company (desperate to increase market share by hook or by crook) that finally ends up losing. As for journalists, they can freely redeem their coupons and go on a spending spree believing they had reaped a windfall from positive reportage. In short, paid news will happen with nobody paying but by merely being part of the scheme. 

WHAT’S  IN IT FOR THE MEDIA? Our company, RDX, will take over all the SAC-linked loans from banks and bunch several of them together to create new high-sounding ‘Strategic High Acceleration Returns & Anodised (plated) Bonds’ (SHARAB) which will be given a high rating by our spirited old friends, Murugan & Saini. Once the bonds begin trading on the stock exchange, strategic sales can be initiated so that media houses and our partners in crime buy cheap and make big bucks when the market is manipulated to turn bullish. Now everyone comes to the party including kirana store owners, journalists, politicians, media barons, our own company, pension funds and what-have-you. 

AND THE BANKERS…  To keep them happy RDX will pay several EMIs in advance, which will encourage banks to give more loans. In fact, if all goes well, the day is not far when journalists will bargain for more SAC and SHARAB instruments rather than salary. The good thing about this scheme is that there will be no paper trail, no contract signed and no direct money transactions between the media house and those paying for news – politicians or corporates.

Very surely, the question will be asked as to how contracts can be firmed up without a signed document. Well, coded text messages are the answer. In the digital age, one has to mutually agree to trust each other. For those still insistent, ‘con-tracts’ can be drawn up to confuse even the Election Commission. Imagine a paper which shows the BJP having paid for Rahul Gandhi or the Congress for Rajnath Singh? Creating confusion is the first step towards instant wealth creation…

Our friend Ray apparently gave up after transcribing to this point. He said all the financial stuff gave him a ‘brain sprain’ and clouded his vision. Over long distance, he admitted that he was lucky to have managed. “Had these chaps not passed out – thanks to too much feni – I would have been caught.” Ray went on to reveal that he had overheard the three friends talk of millions to be made before the ‘bubble gum or something like that bursts’. But his parting shot was the best: “Bro this SHARAB, is it better than Goan feni?”

It remains to be seen if newspaper managements and politicians will be adventurous enough to take up the proposal. However, sources say that some strategy is being worked on ahead of the 2014 elections. But the big question is will RDX strike with its novel paid but unpaid news…