Toon Nation Theory
"All recent major investigative stories have been courtesy CAG or telephone taps."
AJITH PILLAI visualises newspapers where only cartoonists are journalists.
Dipped in Witriol
AJITH PILLAI
When the I&B and HRD ministries get together with the Intelligence Bureau it sure makes for a potent cocktail. Bureaucrats liken it to double vodka topped with fiery Rasam, ice, a dash of lime, and fresh curry leaves. Last week such a heady mix did happen when representatives of the three arms of the government met at Nathu Sweets in New Delhi’s famed Bengali Market. And at the end of the evening, under the shadow of the last plate of rasgollas, an MoU for a JV was inked. By all accounts it made for a histrionic moment but no one sang a song or applauded. The meeting disbursed in silence and all those who attended looked as sombre as those who have stuffed themselves often do.
It is reliably learnt that the yet to be christened project for which the MoU was signed is based on an IB-sponsored report titled, “Toon Nation Theory: From Drawing Board To Reality”. Put together by the redoubtable yet unrecognized Prof. K Aricature (also responsible for painstaking research on how Pablo Picasso failed to be a cartoonist because he never managed to get a cubicle in a newspaper office where he could ideate) the latest effort examines how the future of news lies in cartoons just like the proof of the halwa is in the eating.
A mild, self-effacing man, the good professor is a detached type attached to no university but to the School of Life (not in any way connected with the defunct US magazine of the same name). If you were to ask him why he has gone unsung, he puts up that dazed look and drones by way of explanation a few lines from Thomas Gray’s Elegy Written In A Country Church Yard: “Full many a gem of purest ray serene/ The dark unfathomed caves of ocean bear/ Full many a flower is born to blush unseen/ And waste its sweetness on the desert air.”
Anyway, Prof. K Aricature’s “Toon Nation Theory” would have been lost in the archives of the IB, among profiles of imaginary Muslim terrorists, but for an astute officer who remembered it and saw in the Prof’s work immense contemporary value. He was obviously re-looking it in the context of the recent controversy over the drawings of cartoonist Aseem Trivedi. The latter was arrested and charged with sedition because he depicted the three majestic Asiatic lions on the Ashoka Chakra (the national emblem) as corrupt marauding wolves. He was later released on bail following a public outcry.
Incidentally, it must be pointed out that Prof. K Aricature had long ago nursed a secret ambition to be a cartoonist. Once while going through his primary school notebooks he chanced upon a drawing he had done before he knew that democracy was not spelt with a “zy” at the end. The work of art that the professor discovered was a sketch of a house--a log cabin that all children draw--with mountains in the backdrop, a smiling sun, a tree, and a few birds in flight. K. Aricature took the drawing and turned it upside down and captioned it “Hung House”. Unfortunately, no paper “showed the courage to print it.” In fact, one editor noted that the house did not look anything like Parliament. And he had nothing to say about the birds flying upside down. Outraged, the professor concluded once and for all that journalists who can’t appreciate drawings are cartoons.
But all that is just background. We have to get down to examining the gist of K. Aricature’s study which has the HRD and I&B ministries in a tizzy. According to one bureaucrat the JV--when implemented--will have “far reaching ramifications on media and politics in this country”. To shed more light the good Prof talked to The Hoot on the one condition that we ask no questions. The resulting monologue which lasted six hours has been excerpted to make sense for the reader. Lateral forays into why a drowning man can draw straws better than one who knows how to drink cola straight from the bottle and why cats don’t own mobiles and dogs laptops have been deleted to avoid confusion. However, the full text can be accessed on right n’ draw. orgone. One could also buy CD’s in the Prof’s own voice which will soon be available at chemists as an organic audio alternative to sedatives.
So, without any further ado readers, here’s Prof K Aricature’s study:
Cartoons: Tomorrow’s cutting-edge journalism
In recent times one has seen the decline of the archetypical investigative reporter--the chap who manages to steal secret documents while the minister’s PS is busy solving Sudoku puzzles or spot a bureaucrat receiving money under the table. The last mentioned function is now the exclusive domain of sting journalists. And with CAG doing most of the other investigative stuff, the reporter is on the decline. In the last few years all major stories have been courtesy telephone taps or CAG reports. It’s only the cartoonist who has made news worldwide. His balloons, captions, and drawings are the new faces of reporting and controversy. That’s why all journalists must be cartoonists. And the government, to keep members of the fourth estate from drifting into other professions such as real estate, should open schools which teach cartooning and the use of concave mirrors to visualise distorted images. But before doing anything, scrap the sedition laws and keep violators under simple arrest as suggested by many.
Shape of papers to come
With the cartoon becoming the primary vehicle of communication, 70 per cent of newsprint will be devoted to images. And special correspondents will give way to special cartoonists, chief of bureaus Pencil Chieftains and the lowly reporter a mere cartoonist. In such a scenario, an Opposition attack on the Prime Minister of the day will feature a caricature of our netas crying hoarse with the tell-all caption: “This PM ain’t no cool dude”. In the newspaper of the future the expose will come from agencies such as CAG which incidentally is toying with the idea of opening a wire service. The possibilities are daunting: every report that the audit organisation brings out is at least 20,000 pages and if every five pages provides a news break, it works out to a staggering 400 stories. So those currently playing around with words and refusing to learn to draw should realise that the pencil is mightier than the keyboard and that the journalistic tava might get too hot for them to handle. Remember, it’s not what you draw or how you draw but the thought that counts.
Cartoonists as politicians
The first generation of netas was journalists (they wrote in the party mouthpieces) or lawyers. Many of them could claim they were part of the Freedom Struggle. The next lot fought the Emergency. The new crop of leaders can make no such claims. So the cartoon route is one that is easy. It involves three steps--draw, get arrested, come on TV and say you are standing up for the freedom of expression and depression, both guaranteed under the Constitution. Being arrested for a noble cause will be far more impressive in the CV of our future politicians and better than courting arrest for 24 hours with Arvind Kejriwal.
More national symbols please
To widen the scope of cartooning, many more symbols have to be given national status. Cricket is a religion, so that can be elevated. Malayalis will swear their fish curry and toddy needs national recognition. And the Tamils would want their electric lungi declared a national dress. The possibilities are endless. The more we draw the more we understand how, when, and what to draw.
But when will the JV (through which the state wants to turn the bad press which followed Aseem’s arrest to its advantage) take off? Well, there is no clarity on that so far. According to an IB source, it all depends on how long the present coalition remains in power. But he is certain that as and when political stability returns the JV will be back on the drawing board. “It will certainly give a boost to the pencil industry,” he said as an afterthought…
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